I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
