member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
