I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
