I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
