you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
