I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
