You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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