I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
