I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
