Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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