have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
