Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
