My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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