I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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