Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
