He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
