whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
this is an emotional support booty call
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
