This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
