Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
