You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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