I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm at about main and main street
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
