fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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