I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
