Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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