How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
