end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
