The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
