Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
