I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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