We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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