So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
