I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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