im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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