where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
