And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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