I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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