he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Randomize
