I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
