If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
