i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
two words: eviction party
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I have fence marks all over my body
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
