I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
