so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
