and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
