The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
