Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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