Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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