it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
