i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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