so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
