quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
